“It is better to be defeated on principle than to win on lies.”                    Arthur Calwell

We live in a world where we have dishonesty, cheatings and lies; it can be at work, your business or any parts of your life. But, the truth is that most people who lie usually confide in at least one other person. It’s important to let this person believe that you already know the truth and then add your emotional feedback to it.

You can turn a discussion in any direction that you choose. You can do this very professionally with just a few appropriate words. After they make a statement, you can use key words to direct the flow of information in any way that you prefer. They can be used to obtain information from any discussion.

Saying “meaning…” word after he or she speaks, directs their thinking and the conversation toward the larger picture, giving you a better look at their overall position. It will offer the reason for the position.The response “and…” gives you more imaginative information. You’ll be able to gather additional facts. The “so…” response makes them get more precise, giving you the details of their position. The “now…” response makes them interpret their position into a specific action. They will proceed to tell you exactly what they mean and how it applies to you.

Sometimes you’ll get an answer, but it doesn’t do you much good. Here are a couple ways of narrowing it down.

1. Ask simple details.

During the discussion simply ask general, clear questions pertaining to your doubt. This causes the person you are questioning to remember information. If he’s lying, he’ll take a while to answer because he first has to check his answer mentally to be sure it makes sense. False stories do not have details because they never happened!

Ask questions that will give you an objective, not a subjective response. For instance, if you think an employee was home when he said he would be away on vacation, don’t ask him how he enjoyed the weather in California, but rather ask “Did you rent a car?” Once he answers yes to any question, ask for more detail. If he’s lying, he’ll try to keep the facts straight and will take his time answering further questions.

2. Include into discussion a false detail.

Add a detail and ask the person to comment on it. This fact is one that you’ve made up, but one that sounds perfectly logical. For example, if you wanted to know if someone really indeed went on a safari to Africa, you mention that you have a friend who works as a customs officer at the Nairobi airport told you that everyone going to Africa was given special instructions on how to avoid malaria. As soon as he validates your claim in an attempt to back up his affirmation that he has gone to Africa, you know that his story is false. Otherwise he would simply say that he doesn’t know what your friend is talking about.

3. Hold up a detail.

In this arrangement you take what the person says and ask for evidence, but in a very non-threatening manner. For example, in the case of the person who claimed he had gone on safari, you might let him know that you would love to see pictures of the tour. If he offers up an explanation why you can’t see the pictures, then this should arouse some doubt.

4. Develop a detail.

Use this clue to verify how far someone is prepared to go to get what he or she wants. All you need to do is develop on a detail that he or she has already presented. If they just go on without correcting you, then you know that they may be lying about what they said so far and/or is prepared to lie to get you to see their point. For example, one of your employees asks you for the rest of the day off because it’s not feeling well. You might say, “of course, if you have fever and a bad headache, by all means go home.” He or she never claimed to have these symptoms. You merely prolonged on their declaration.

5. Let the truth be enlighten.

These simple words work better than any others do:

1. Because: We’re programmed to accept a clarification as valid if it follows this word.

2. Let’s: This word produces group impression and initiates a bandwagon effect; it’s positive and creates action.

3. Try: This little word is a great motivator because it has a “what’s the harm” attitude.

For example, “Let’s give it a try because if it doesn’t work we can always go back to the way it was.” Obviously you haven’t introduced any reason for the person to take action, yet it seems to make sense just the same.

Taking control if you’re tired of talks.

If in a situation where you are powerless to speak because the person keeps talking or interrupting, use some zingers like these. They play on two vulnerable angles of human nature – personality and interest.

1. “You’re a intelligent person; let me ask you something.”

2. “I know that you would want me to ask you this.”

3. “You’re the only one who would know the answer to this.”

4. “I hope this information doesn’t upset you.”

5. “Along those lines…” It’s easy to change discussion when you begin with the other’s last opinion.

Few things are more annoying than dealing with someone who just doesn’t give a damn and lies to you. Why? Because you don’t have a whole lot to work with. You’ve got zero influence. He’s got nothing at risk, so you’ve got little negotiating power. You simply have to modify the equation so he’s got something at stake.

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