Let’s assume you are standing in the “fast” lane of a shop checkout. You see that the third person ahead of you has about 25 items and is paying by check when the signage clearly restricts this isle to 10 items and cash-paying customers.

You, on the other hand, are standing there with a dollar in your hand to purchase a package of chewing gum. The cashier is doing nothing to deal with the situation and, in fact, is having a pleasant chat with him about his life while she is ringing up his items.

If you are like most people, you will probably knowledge angry feelings. Then what should you do? How should you respond?

Three ways to deal with angry feelings:

1. Transform your thinking.

While irritated manner frequently surprise us and come upon us automatically, it is our “self-talk” that makes us more mad. Change what you tell yourself about what is going on, and you can fundamentally change your feelings about it. In our example, try telling yourself things like “Maybe he or she isn’t conscious that this is an fast lane,” or “Actually, a few minutes more won’t matter,” or “I’ll speak to the supervisor about the issue when I have time.”

2. Lighten up and calm down.

Once captured by strong angry feelings, we may become incapacitated and not capable to problem-solve or to get the information we need to deal with the problem. The solution is to calm down before doing anything.
For example, while standing in line, take in several deep breaths. Count to 10. Tell yourself things like “Calm down,” “this won’t be significant tomorrow,” and “I can manage my emotions.”

3. Look for different responses.

Look for diverse ways to react to the situation, before angry feelings overtake you. Perhaps you can still get what you want without displaying angry actions. For example, try simple information giving (”Are you aware that this is an fast lane?”), or self-confident communication (”may I get ahead of you since this is an fast lane and I have only one item?”).
It is almost always better to try alternatives before expressing anger or violent behavior!

Why keep yourself calm?

Because doing so may help you live healthier and longer. Anger is like obesity. It is all over but not good for anyone. In fact, according to a current issue of The Harvard Mental Health Newsletter, “optimistic hearts do better than angry ones.”
In one research, people with normal blood pressure who scored high on a rating scale for anger were almost three times more likely to have a heart attack or require bypass surgery within five years.

The structure of anger.

Most of the time we do not decide to be angry, but somehow we are unexpectedly in the feeling. Often, we don’t know we are angry until we feel it. Anger, which comes from a part of our brain that is very old, can be very short, lasting only a second or two. You can be happy one moment and angry the next. Angry feelings may also go on over a long period of time. If you are angry a lot, but your feelings are not connected to life situations, we call it a “mood.”
Angry moods lead to angry feelings coming on stronger and faster. Once anger begins, it generates changes in our appearance, our face, our voice, and changes in the way we think. It also creates impulses to action.
Sometimes we have thoughts that generate anger. Other times we have thoughts that happen at the same time as the anger. It is also possible for your anger to create thoughts about what you are angry toward.

The different faces of anger.

You may have detected that what “triggers” your anger one time may not do so at another time. Different people may also react very differently to the same event. Some people recover much more quickly than others when irritated by any negative emotion, including anger.
If you are a quick-recovering person, you probably are also better able to control your emotions. However, if you are challenged in this regard, you will need to work harder to develop anger management skills to deal with your feelings.

Angry feelings are a normal reaction to disappointment, or interference with our goals. Yet, we all are different in terms of what actions activates anger in us, how powerfully we respond, and how long it takes us to get back to normal. Learning to change our self-talk, cooling off, and looking for alternative responses are all efficient ways to better manage with angry feelings.

If you have something to add, you can leave any comment below.

If you are new to GoSuccessNow, you can subscribe to RSS Feed or via Email for more updates and tips about Personal Development.

No related posts.